Rolling etiquette

I went to the gym the other day to do some cardio and this woman came in, got on the elliptical a few down from me. She was an older woman who seemed to be pretty new to this whole exercise trend. She pressed the buttons for a few minutes before she got herself going at a leisurely pace. Nothing really to note until the lady next to me suddenly got off of her elliptical and walked away.

I could see that she still had about 10 minutes to go and didn’t look like the type to just let her workout go like that. Still, nothing to note so I got back into focus. Then after a minute, I discovered why she abruptly left.

Once the airways between the older lady and myself were clear, it rolled in like the fog in a vampire movie. All of a sudden, my nose was burning and my lungs were starting to ask me what the hell was going on. The air was heavy enough to taste. Now, I know you might be thinking the worst because she is an older lady, however it wasn’t any kind of bodily fluid or digested meal. It was almost as bad however.

It seems that this particular lady has a severe fear of having body odor. To cope with this fear, I am assuming she showered in about 6 bottles of perfume, then came to the gym. Not a subtle scent either. This lady went for the srongest ‘Eau De Ol Broad’ scent she could find. Remember hugging your grandma as a kid and wondering how they made old lady perfume that strong? Imagine an entire old woman football team wearing that perfume and working out next to you at the gym…

Within the 2 minutes that the barrier between Perfumia and I ended her workout, I was having serious trouble breathing (due to my asthma reacting to the perfume) and I was getting a headache. I was shooting for 20 mins, with the last 5 minutes being tabata and I had about 2 minutes left, so I stuck it out.

That fun experience made me think about a time when I rolled with a guy that was pretty heavily doused in some heavy musky cologne and I decided to come up with a list of rolling etiquette. It is as follows:

1. Don’t wear cologne or perfume. As mentioned above, some people are really sensitive to cologne, perfume, etc. This may be due to allergies or as in my case, asthma. If you’re self conscious about body odor, don’t worry about it. You’re in a gym, rolling around with somebody that is trying to choke you out. You should be sweating.
2. Be aware of your body odor. This one is a little more tricky. While you should be sweating and most likely pretty stinky, if you walk in the door and smell like you haven’t showered since last week’s class, then that’s not a good thing. I went to class one night and practiced a technique twice with somebody and he transferred the craziest body odor I’ve ever fallen victim to on to me. When I was putting my workout shorts in the washer, the next day, they still smelled. So, if you can transfer body odor, freshen up.
3. Clean your gi. This is an extension of #2 for the gi practitioners. I used to have this problem alot. I was often the stinky gi guy. I had a gi that kept shrinking if I put it in the dryer, so I would let it hang dry. When I would let it hang dry, it would always smell like week old baby puke. No matter if I bleached it or not. If you are this guy, look into some different washing techniques. Hazmat used to clean his with Oxi-Clean. I just got used to wearing a gi half shirt. One time my wife sprayed it with some Febreze. That is a whole separate post there.
4. Groom your fingernails. This one is a no brainer. Nobody likes rolling with Wolverine. I rolled with a guy not too long ago and he clamped down on the back of my neck. While moving to break his grip, he tried to regain head control and I could hear the “sckckkkckkckckck” as his fingernails etched his existence into my neck. He apologized, I made sure I could still move my arms and legs in hopes that he didn’t sever my spinal cord and we went back to it. He didn’t try for head control anymore.
5. Groom your toenails. This one goes hand in hand with #4. It’s always fun to get pulled into half guard and have your opponent stab you with their feet as they try to gain control.
6. Consider the crotch. Most people have come to the conclusion that wearing a cup is a good plan, myself included. Before I started wearing a cup, I have taken the obligatory knee or elbow full force into the crotch. Never fun. Even with a cup. So please be aware that we all have sensitive things going on down there. If you’re trying to break guard, the knee goes into the tailbone, preferably with a little control. There is no need to ram the knee into the general vicinity of the tailbone because most of the time, it ends up in the crotch.
7. Know what’s allowed. This one is generally not too much of a problem. Most people who train are familiar with what you can and can’t do. However, every now and then you get a newbie or an over zealous instructional watcher who tries something crazy. For example, one night we had a new guy come in. He was an older guy who had some kind of martial arts experience. He was watching me roll with somebody and wanted to ask a few questions on what was allowed. He wanted to know if he was allowed to dig his fingers into the pressure points at the top of my eye sockets…. luckily he asked first.
8. Don’t crank. Typically, when you’re in the gym, you’re training. You’re trying to learn a new technique or try a technique out in practice. I’m all for intensive training but don’t be the guy that shoots his hips up and wrenches the neck down as soon as he thinks its in place. There is no need to shoot your hips up to the ceiling like your ass just touched a hot stove burner when you sink in an armbar. Most people will concede when they know a sub is in place and in place correctly. Unless you’re in a competition, don’t try to hurt your training partners. If you do, you’ll either be the guy that nobody wants to train with or the guy that everybody trains a little too hard with.

So, to sum it up, train smart and be aware of each other. We’re all trying to learn this stuff and get better. Help each other to do so.